Accidentally reading a journal about disability student who learn about computers and internet then mind goes wild as usual. A big question come to mind and won't let me sleep earlier tonight. So, how's life will be so different if we're not who we are right now? How's life will be so different if we're not as normal as other human being in the world? How's life will be so different if we're not our parents' child? How's life will be so different if...
I'd like to put on some salute and honor to parents whose child is having disability. I'd like to put on some salute and honor to their patience, dedication and all things they would do for supporting their children. Currently I don't think that having child is an easy task to do. Wheter they're normal or disable. Children's so unpredictable, they're unique just the way they are. They have their own path, happiness and hard times. It may be so different and it requires lot to do to make them learn about life.
Life turns upside down all the time. And being parents means another difficulty to pass on. Another level to go up and grown. My parents aren't as cool as other parents out there. We're not soo happy or soo sad to live this life. What had happened these last years is just another life's upside down phase. Or I guess so. Dad isn't that man who would make any friends of mine laugh nor smiling widely. He was so uncommunicative that we were rarely talk. Still I know that I love him so much and he was too. Or may be he still loves me so much. Or he should be that way. It was a little bit hard to know what's on his mind or how he feels. Still I am graceful that he wasn't complaining much even life was hard that day. We were rarely talk that it's hard to find my memory about him these day. But still I know that I learnt some goods from him. Thanks dad for being generous and kind even you're not that talkative. Thanks for leaving the reading habit to me.
It's so hard to remember about him these days. Maybe things start to mess up on my head. Or maybe time just passes by so I hardly remember. But the things we've been together will always linger. It might be the day you picked me up from my friend's house on Sunday afternoon. It might be the day we walked along the road. It might be the day we rode together just to wait buka puasa time to come. It might be the day we went to the library. It might be the day we're just doing really anything at homes. It might be the day you were putting on your favorite song that I used to hate before. But now I tell you that I put that songs on when I miss you. It might be the day you went home and I automatically made you some coffee. It might be any day of my life. Or it might just the day you drove me to school.
While writing this I'm sure that tears starts to pile on. I'm not gonna tell you that life's been hard to me. Maybe it's always run that way. Still I manage to overcome this, thanks to you, thanks God, thanks mom.
You've level up Dad, as you grow with us. At first I don't have any idea that you're leaving so soon. I bet that other kids don't have too. But as the God says, I try to not blame you or any other things or God. I choose to live my life. Even if I can't move on yet. But how can I move on with my sweetest first love? How can I move on to my very first man? Even if it's not for everything. Oh I do miss you right now. Yesterday was your birthday but I don't find any suitable pray to give to you as I give to my friends. I wish you a long life but you just couldn't. So even if you're not the best cool dad in town I still love you and I still miss you. Even if you're not the most handsome man in the world I still love you, I still miss you. Even if you're not the best dad, you know I still love you though.
At this hour, or this time exactly, I know that I can't tell you directly. I can't tell mom directly too, it's too embarrassing right?
So, thank you thank you thank you for having me as your daughter. Even if I'm not the best daughter in town, even if I'm not the most beautiful daughter in the world, even if it's just me. thank you thank you for being my parents. I don't know how my life would be so different if it's not you both.
-April, 19th 2017
