A Letter I Write To You: I Know, You Know, You’ll Be Okay Anyway

May, 7th 2017
I wasn’t sure what should I say the last time I met you. Instead I decide to write this all along for you, just for you. For the back sound, I recommend you New Empire – In a Breath. Adjust your device to hear this song on and put some comfortable position to read this. Okay, I’ll start.
To me, it was more than seven years ago still sometimes it feels like yesterday. That Friday 13th wasn’t scary yet it was a bright sunny day that no one realize someone was dying. There was one more day to go for dad to be home. But he went home earlier, too earlier. It was bright Friday noon that two police men suddenly appeared in front of my house asking whether my dad had particular heart disease or not. I said that he hadn’t but grandpa had one so genetically dad might have it too. The police men nodded than went away while I had no idea what’s going on till neighbors show up and told me dad had passed away. I stunt for a while. Blank for a moment. I wasn’t sure that I was crying that much. I called my mother who went away to see dad and asked whether she’s okay or not. I called the family member to tell what had happen.
I thought that it was a nightmare, but it was a bright Friday noon so I guess it was a bad dream. But the siren sound of the ambulance got me once that this wasn’t a dream. It was really real that I don’t like the siren sound whenever I ride on the road. Those sound always makes me wonder what happened in the other side of the world. Is another girl’s dad taken away like what had happened to me back then?
I guess I am not that kind of daughter who express and love so much. I wasn’t cry a lot back then. I realize that I am not that cute lovable daughter but still I love him so much that sometimes I cry alone at nights in silence when I miss him or when I just had a bad day or when I feel that I screw up. Sometimes I play a what if games in my head where I end up crying realize he’s no longer here anymore. Or my eyes get teary whenever I remember him. Well how can I forget my very first love, right?
I am not going to say don’t cry to you since it’s okay to cry. Maybe it’s better to cry some more. Still there’s a long way for you to go. It’s still a long way for us who left to go and move on. Move on doesn’t mean that you’ll forget him any time soon. It means that you’ll be okay even if he’s, your dad is no longer here.
I am not going to say that this is going to be easy. You’ll see different color of life that you may never see before. You’ll feel something you don’t before. You may cry a lot sometimes. You may feel lonely and empty. But that’s how God will make you stronger and better than before. And there’s nothing we can do about except widen our heart to accept what God has say.
It may be a hard sturdy long road ahead but still you’re going to make it anyway. You never know how stronger you are till being stronger is the only option you have. We, the first born female may born as a strong female warrior for her family, for her friends, for her king, for the people around. You know how the female warrior fight, right? She give her all, no turning back and no regrets. Even if she hurt she still feels good because she give her all. Even if she fall she’ll get up and stand stronger than before. Even if she think she can’t, inside she know she’ll do the best and she’ll give it a try.
To you, my best female warrior, win this battle no matter how hard it takes. You know that me, your will-always-be-first-supporter, is always here right? To you the next female warrior, this battle is yours. And even if you hurt yourself or stumble in the middle of the war you’ll stand sturdier and stronger than before. Your option is just being stronger than before, you have no option and no turning back. You know that the best female warrior always give her best and win right? I am sure that you’ll do so anyway.
La tahzan innallaha ma ana, don’t be sad Allah is always be with you.
Love you as always yak, dheala.