Not really bothered by
this kind of talk but hands get itchy so I’ll get to write something. When it’s
only seven days left to collect the minor thesis. I’ll better start now.
Don’t you think that saying hello and goodbye is always
cyclical? I think so. Moments and memory differ those two state at right way. Whether
it’s a long period or just a short period. The longer it takes it seems harder
to say goodbye. The richer the memory the harder you get to wake up and face
the reality. Isn’t life somehow run that way?
The second day of Ramadhan, this kind of
aku-dijutekin-sama-mantan talks appear on my chat room that I suddenly
oh-somehow-I-get-it. I really hope this talk has no side effect to who read
this since I just say what I’ve been thinking lately. Friend of mine said that
it’s kinda strange since this friend no longer can ask freely to the ex. It’s
strange of course, everything that you don’t normally do is strange right? Or maybe
it just the matter of time. Like time always do, change and sometimes heals.
To me personally, seeing this kind of situation reminds
me of myself. I don’t know which self I pointed about, the current one or the
old one. I talked short. Too short to recognize what I said as a talk. I kept
it short. And today I realize why I did that. Those act, I considered as a self
defense. Well why do I need to defense
myself while others just trying to reach me and keep in contact. Asking how do I
do with no intention. Or maybe there’s just any intentions they’re slipped in
inside.
For the ex, I realize that this kind of thought: I wish I
could say things more calm and keep it long as I want to talk to you too as
friend is exist. But then another thought appear and screw things at exact rate,
this kind of thought: What if I fall right back and want more of you yet you don’t
want to give me anything? What if I fall down like the day you leave me? What if
in the end I can’t forgive you? What if you hurt me like the way you always do?
Those kind of thought does exist and in the end self defense is the last option
to take since no people in the world would like to hurt twice as bad.
Well maybe the one who keep it short at talks is really
not a small talker. Not kind of person who good at expressing things. Or they
just defense their self from harm that may carry by other people. For the one
who hurt badly, maybe this kind of short talks keeps them from another harm and
danger. For the one who hurt badly, maybe this kind of short talks is the way
they regain their self and get back to be stronger. For the one who hurt badly,
this kind of short talk maybe just another phase they need to pass to forgive
another and get back as if there’s nothing happen. For the one who hurt badly,
this kind of small talks maybe just the act of time which heals time. Another part
of letting go, forgiving and being okay in the end.
May, 29th 2017
